sexxydork27

Sick

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 18:46:44 GMT

Well today I woke up very sick. I know my body is breaking down. Because of all the stress that has been going on in my life is finally catching up. Plus the fact that I really miss Bryan and can't stop talking about him. How much he hurt me and how much I really love him. I was suppose to meet someone for a house to rent this morning but I was to sick to et out of bed. I'm still sick but I'm planning on calling him back to meet him today. I know it's going to be difficult living without Bryan, but I have to do it. I hope he is not in trouble about missing his group meeting last week. I haven't heard from Bryan since last night when he messaged me fuck you. Oh well, just making it a little easier for me knowing that he doesn't really care. I know he'd rather be down there than up here with me. I guess I just have to move on with my life.

Life goes on!

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 03:14:44 GMT

Well I think I may have found a place for me. I need to speak to the guy sometime tomorrow. Ofcourse it's in Ann Arbor. I better neighborhood. Everything with Bryan has come to an end. I love Bryan with all my heart and would have done anything for him. But I've come to a part of my life where I need to start taking care of myself more than others. Over the months I've seen how much he loves me, but the jealousy, violent, aggressive, and no motivation part of him made worn out. I've seen him change over the months, but most of the things that troubled our relationship were still there. I wish we could be together but it seems that relationship isn't going nowhere. He says once we find a place together things will be different. I believe it will, but my mind and body is getting to tired and stressed. I know he doesn't mean to do the things he does, but he needs to learn to control it. Because instead of bringing us together, it's just making us grow apart. I just don't like how every fight and arguement we have is because I always start it. I can't handle it anymore. I know I love him. But we just can't be together anymore. Right now he is back in Toledo because I dropped him off to his grandmother. But there is more to it. By him going to Toledo made my whole body drop. I just need to get back on my feet and move on. By the way Bryan, while we were together I never cheated on you. I love you way to much to ever do that. I'm hoping I get one of the 2 places tomorrow so I can move in by Monday and start a whole new life over.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

-Alfred Tennyson

Long Ass Day

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 06:40:33 GMT

Well I basically worked 13.5 hours today. Didn't make shit. Everyone tipped poorly at work. In a better mood, although I'm going on day 2 without Bryan. I finally cut down on my pop intake so I can start losing weight again. Well I'm all poopped out. Can't wait till Monday.. 28th Birthday at Gigi's.

Only getting better

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 06:15:58 GMT

Well the morning didn't start off that great. I dropped off Bryan to the Greyhound station so he can go Chicago to meet up with some trick. As for me I went to look at a house which I totally loved. Really hoping I get that place. Then off to work. Actually tonight went very well. Was in an awesome mood all day at work. After work, went and hungout with old friends. Damn I miss just hanging out with friends and not doing anything else. Not worrying about anyone getting jealous. Btw my birthday is on Monday.... (GIGIS)

Merry Christmas

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 16:22:23 GMT

Well it has been a long time since I have made an entry. Been busy with the whole living life thing. I guess I'm doing okay. The only one thing that I have been going somewhat great in my life is Bryan. Yes people we are still together. Going on 5 months. I'm still working at Applebee's on 14 mile and Haggerty, so if anyone want to come and visit please do. I usually work doubles on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Bryan finally got himself a job. I think things are going to get even better between the both of us. For some of you that have been trying to reach me, I actually don't have my cell phone on anymore. Its been over a month since I turned it off. But I just wanted to tell all of you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I really don't know

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 15:26:44 GMT

Life works in crazy ways. Just when you think things are starting to get better in your life, behind it all it's actually slowly crashing and burning. I guess I'm begining to realize that living life is even more difficult than it seems. I have no clue what I'm trying to say. But, just when I thought everything was getting better, I was wrong. I can't believe I thought everything was going to work. I guess love is blind. Blind to where even when you know deep down in your heart that there's love between the both of you, there's just love in you.

Bryan.....

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 14:49:02 GMT

So in the past recent weeks I have done many things to screw up my life. None that I am very proud of. I have come to this low point in my life where I just want to disappear and not be found until I find myself. Umm, if I can dance at Gold Coast in there shower nekkid I must have a problem (as many of you know how insecure I am with myself).
On the brigher side last Monday I hungout with Bryan for the first time. We met at Gigi's about 3 months ago and have attempted to hangout, but was never successful at it. That night was bascially the same exact thing that I had done with my ex-boyfriend Josh. All we did was sit on the couch for 13 hours and talked. We basically got to know each other more. Since that night we've have not spent one night apart. Yeah, you might think things are going well. But, it's not as easy as everyone thinks. Bryan is a very complicated, shy and closed person. He is the most difficult person to read. This is the first guy that I've had to work this hard to find out his true feelings, and it's worth it. My opinion, Bryan has everything in a guy that I look for. He plans on moving to Toledo to start a new life and I think he wants me to be a part of it. Only if you knew the situation he is putting himself in by moving down here. I think by him moving down here is something he really needs right now, but I think it's something that will keep us from being together. He knows it, but I really think he needs to be down here. I just wish that I could give him what he really needs. Many of you know how I operate. If I have the slightest inkling that it wouldn't work I automatically close myself to that person. I don't know why but it's very different with him. I just keep opening myself to him and letting him get deeper and deeper in my heart. After everything that I have done for myself I think I'm going to set aside everything I say I would never do and go with it. If he moves down here and still wants me to be part of his life I think I just may take the chance. But the only way that it's going to work out is if he truly believe in himself and us. Bascially he has all of my dedication and heart and what he does with it who knows. But I can honestly tell you that the way is see it might end will really put me in my all time low. So now lets see what he plans on doing.

Am I getting out of control?

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 04:19:09 GMT

Many of you have known me for a great deal of time. You've seen me change for better and for worse. Well for the past couple of weeks my life has slowly been changing. The biggest change has to deal with my work. I was offered a general manager's position with the company I am currently working for. I first had accepted that position and began training. As the weeks past, I had a sudden change in heart. I decided to take a step down from that and actually let someone else run the show. I'm not certain how I will take it, mainly because I have been so acclimated to be the one running the show. This is my time to concentrate on my life. Time to fill in the missing pieces in my life. What is that? I really don't know. The past couple of weekend I've been back in town has been very eventful. Eventful to where I had a blast but not proud of what I have done. The things I have done were of me in my past. A side of me I tried to forget and moved on with. Apparently that side of me has returned. Returned to where it is getting way out of control, even worse than before. So I had made a promise to a friend of mine. That promise I will try to keep and prove to him that I have self control. Which to be honest, it's something I never really had. I have gone through a lot in my life, a lot for someone that is only 27 years of age. I'm not proud of the many things I have done, but I am proud of the many successes in my life. Which honestly, I have a lot of friends to thank because of it. Where is life leading me to now? Life to me is very unexpected. You never know what will be knocking at you door next. We can only wonder what our future has instored for us. Let life take its path. Never frown on your past, just remember all the wonderful things that you have done. Take life into your hand, don't let it control you.

Thoughout many of my entries I have talked about this Chris guy. Well none of you really know who this person is. Chris holds a place in my heart where many of you don't understand. He is someone that can make you laugh or smile at the worse moment of your life. Make you see all the positive accomplishments that you have achieved. Bascially make a bad situation turn into a good one. Chris is always there when I need a shoulder to lean on or just needs someone there to listen. Although he has his corky, dorky side of him, he is still the person everyone wishes they could have in there life. Chris I am glad to have become a friend of yours and hope that our friendship will be there forever.

my oh my

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:48:44 GMT

Coming here to Lansing I have hoped that I would be able to concentrate in getting my life together. I bascially have set majority of my priorities and will keep working to make my life easier and happier. All I needed is a break from all the drama and bullshit that has been going on in detroit. Since I've been here I've been sorta distant with many of my friends back there and it's not to be mean, it's because I just needed some time to myself. Working 6 days a week 60 plus hours doesn't help either. Work has kept me busy enough for me not getting myself into much trouble. Ofcourse, during my down time I have gotten myself into a few trouble. Nothing to bad, but all I can say is that some of the guys here are h0tT as hell. I've been able to make a few cool friends here that I can actually call friends. I think Lansing has a lot to offer but it's not my cup of tea. OMFG, driving down Grand River right infront of campus is hot. TONS of hot college guys walking around. I need to stop thinking about guys. Shit I'm gay, I can't. Tonight sort of topped it off for me. I hungout with a guy I met before. He is from Texas and very very very cute. Don't see anything in the future but he is hot. lol. Well I met a few hot guys from here. I've been here for about a week and a half now, and probably will be going back home sometime within a week or two for a couple days. Can't wait to take a break from up here then return to my second home which is the Holiday Inn Express.

It's time for everyone to start looking after themselves. Do what's going to make youself happy and not for others. Who really cares what other people think, as long as you are happy with what you are doing, that's all that counts. Life has many opportunites for everyone. Just take it a day at a time and you will get what you wanted out of life.

Reality is the beginning not the end,
Naked Alpha, not the hierophant Omega,
Of dense investiture, with luminous vassals.

-Wallace Stevens

A journey to a new begining!

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 04:16:41 GMT

To begin my new journey I had taken the first step by getting a job. This job intales less stress than what I am use to. I am currently employed at Culver's Restaurant as a manager, but I was just offered a general manager's position. I get paid hourly which is a bonus and gauranteed 50 hours a week. I have taken aboard a few people that have worked for me at Little Caesars. I am currently in lansing training for this job and will be here until October 3rd. So far it's pretty easy.

So far here in Lansing, I have gotten myself in more trouble than I ever had. I don't know why. I've met a lot of cool people and have develop many friendships. I've especailly gotten close to Ryan and Rob. Two different guys and they are not a couple.

Eh, I don't feel like writing anymore so I'll leave this as a to be continued thing. lol

Blast from the Past

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 16:07:08 GMT

Well I got another blast from the past the other night. Out of the blue Clayton pops online. Gosh, the last time we hungout was probably 4-5 months ago. We talked online and got caught up with whats been happening in our lives. The next morning Clayton came over to hangout and actually talk in person and see each other again. Was actually nice to see him again. We watched tv and got caught up even more. He actually looked a lot better than before, and he was shocked with me (lost about 15 pounds since last meeting). I had an awesome time though, we are attempting to make plans to hangout again before I leave for lansing.

Later that day Brandon came over. I think it's been about 2, maybe 3 months since we've hungout. We played ping pong for a couple hours, which I beat him 5 games to 4. We got caught up on a little things that has been going on in our lives. Watched a little Comedy Central. Brandon did't stay long because he had to pick up Pooh bear from the airport.

Then I hungout with Russ right after for a bit. Not to long because I HAD to go to Backstreet with David. Backstreet was actually good, slow but good. I had a blast.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

-Albert Einstein

Stability?

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 09:17:09 GMT

The weekend actually went pretty quick for me. Didn't really do much. Went to a few parties here and there and hung out with a few friends. Saturaday night I went to this particular party where I got to meet an awesome bunch of guys. Sunday I went str8 bar hoping with the managers from Little Sleasers. At this one bar, this huge woman started dance by herself and proceed to life her skirt. Surprisingly she had no underwear and the size of one of her ass cheek was probably the size of both ass cheek of mine plus half. I was blinded for a bit but was able recover from all the str8 hot boys.

Another positive and unexpected event happend. A few weeks ago at Sean's party, I met someone. He razzled and dazzled me. We even made out in the backseat of my car. Well we hungout a couple times after that and all of a sudden he drop off the face of the earth. I then thought he lost interest in me. Well he lost his phone and didn't have my number. For 2 weeks he tried looking for me at the bars and tried to remember which friends I was at the party with. Well just so happen Friday night he bumps into one of my friend and was able to get my number. He called me up on Sunday and apologized for not calling. I thought I was having problems with guys. But this guy is smokin h0tT. We talked on the phone and got caught up a little. Not sure where this will lead, but I can probably guess.

Monday morning, ring ring. Fuckin 9am my phone rings. Again, the day I slept late is the same day someone calls me early in the am. Oh well it was a good call. I was offerd a job with Culver's Restaurant. Something a little different, but I took it. Paycut, but less work and don't have that general manager title, which I sorta didn't want. The only downfall to it is that on Monday, August 22nd I'll be heading to Lansing. I probably won't be returning to the end of September or begining of October. But if contructsion speeds up I'll be home sooner. I will have a couple opportunities to drive back down but only for a day or 2. So I hope everything goes well.

As far as the romance department. Well what can I say. ;)

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

-anne frank

Change and Growth!!

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 00:03:04 GMT

I tired of this bullshit that's going on. I think I just need to keep moving on with my life like I've always had. I have a very few select friends that can actually make me smile without being there. It's great to talk to them every so often and especially when times are down for me. I appreciate everyone for being there, especially you Chris. You're #1. lol Well all I can do is keep my head high, move on, and take everyday like there is no tomorrow. To that mystery man in my life, I have no clue what's going on. I'm a confused puppy lost out there on the streets, hoping one day you will find me and take me home with you.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

-Alan Cohen

Damn quizzes!

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 06:42:58 GMT

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot!

You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 14% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk.

You're in a permanent lip lock.

Kissing Purity Test

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.
And that's marriage - with the right person.
You're serious about settling down some time soon.
Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Games you say?

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 06:13:46 GMT

Time and time again, I tell myself that I will take my time and get to know someone before I even start to develop any type of feelings. Unbelievably, everything that I am looking for in a guy, he was. Unbelievably, I thought he was the one. He used his charm to wheel me in and he certainly did. I let all of my gaurds down and opened myself to him. I told him things that I ususally don't tell anyone. Things that actually meant something to me. I don't really know, maybe it's just me. Probably is. Maybe I should just move on and quit playing his game.

Before you ever let your gaurds down, be sure he is the one for you. Nevertheless, you will get hurt if you open yourself up to him before you can even trust him. Develop trust, honestly, integrity and a good line of communication.

Afraid of feeling nothing, no bee's or butterflies, My head is full of voices, and My heart is full of lies... This is home...

Where can I find love?

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 01:43:21 GMT

What happens when a gay guy is in search of love and refuses to go out to the bars? How does one find true love when all he sees are str8 guys everyday? Is it possible to find love online? Most guys I chat with online wants sex, why not love? What can I do? All these questions we ask ourselve when one comes to a point in our lives that we try and alter.

You can basically find love anywhere you go. Going to the bars can be a good thing, but its not the only way for one to meet guys. You have to use any and all resources you have. Yes, the internet is one. Although most people go online to look for sex, but there are the few that are online to find love. It may be difficult but they are out there. The only thing about the internet is that there are a lot of shady guys on there, be careful with whom you meet with. But trust me guys, I found 2 bf's on the internet, one last 3 years and the other 2 years. Although we are not together anymore, I have to say I hold no regrets. Then there are friends, friends that can introduce you to other gay guys that are looking. Those tend to be more trusting, but what happens when you guys breakup. Which one of you will that friend be there to comfort or to listen to.

There are many other ways to search for love. But the way I see it, is let love find you. Don't go out looking for it, because you will never find it. Let it come to you. When you find love, DO NOT let it go. Hold on to it as tight as you can. One more thing, never let anything go pass you because it might just be looking right at you!

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
-amy bloom

Cold hearted?

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 07:21:38 GMT

This is something that I found to be quite touching:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...calls you back when you hang up on him or calls you just because. Find a guy who will lay under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you fall asleep. Wait for the guy who pursues you, who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world even when your are in sweatpants. Find that guy who holds your hand in front of his friends, thinks you're the cutest when you wake up in the morning. He's the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. Find the one who turns to his friends and says "Yeah...that's him" with a smile.

As time has past, I have started to realized that my feelings for other guys seems to be less emotional. I don't seem to fall for a guy as easy as I had before. Over the past year of being single, I have gone through a few relationship (dating only, no boyfriend). But from those relationships I've seem to develop a much colder heart to guys that try and express there feelings to me. The development of the cold heart is unknown. There was only really 2 guys (maybe a couple more I missed) that I actually dated since the breakup of March 2004. There must be someone out there that can change my out look on relationships. I've yet to meet one, and the ones that I'm attempting to get to know are a little shady. It might be just me you new know. Love takes time to grow, just add a little water and sunlight, and your see it bloom.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

-Anais Nin

This is a start

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 07:59:29 GMT

I think today has been one of the most productive days I've had since I was terminated from work. It all started off at 11am this morning. When my fat arse actually rolled out of bed. Made a few calls, procrastinated a little then got ready for my interview at Applebee's in Novi. The interview actually took just over 2 hours, based on what we discussed it seemed like they are very interested in me. I need to go back tomorrow for another interview with a different person. Btw, the person interviewing me was hot as hell. I could have ripped his clothes off and just jumped him :). After all that crap I decided to workout the the Lifetime in Canton. Talking about hot guys. I almost came in my shorts there. Came home made myself dinner and went back to Lifetime in Commerce City with David. We hungout for a bit, then I went home. On my way coming there was an explosion at some plant down the road from my house where it was burning chemicals. I really didn't get to smell it, but it was pretty bad to where they evacuated homes about 1-2 mile radius from the explosin. I came home chatted with Mike and Matt for a bit and went back to Lifetime. This time I worked out just for a bit, and I actually sat in the hot tub for a while.

Later on in the night, I actually was happy to bump in this one guy that I have been talking to for a while now. We chatted on the computer for a bit, but what made me happier was that we got to talk on the phone again. And this time his phone didn't die. Or at least that is what he said. lol I revealed even more personal things about me. I hope I didnt scare him even more. This guy is cool, we haven't met yet because of the distance, but I hope to meet him fairly soon.

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

-Ivy Baker Priest

Off the Hook!

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 08:55:20 GMT

Well this weekend was off the hook. It all started off on Friday, David and I went to Lifetime in Novi to workout. Went to Southfield to pick up Manny and headed to Ann Arbor. That was the first time ever that I went to Ann Arbor during the day. We had an earlier dinner at the Aut bar. After dinner we hung out at David's for a while then went to Lifetime in Commerce City. So basically Friday was a nice and quiet day.

Saturday was a pretty awesome day also. It all started by DHL knocking on the door with a letter. Well, that letter was from Little Caesars saying that I was terminated by the company for fraternization. Got my haircut right after that and went to the Lifetime in Canton to workout. I actually stopped at my old store to see how everyone were doing, they hate the new management there. LOL. We'll I came home and got ready to go to Backstreet's grand opening. The club was off the hook. I met a bunch of new people there and old ones also. Damn, LOTS of HOTT bois also. Music there rocked.

Sunday all started off with a call from Mike, Keith, and Andy inviting me to go over and hangout with them. After getting off the phone I went to Lifetime again to work out. Directly from there I went to Riverview to Robin's house for a bbq. From there I went to Whitmore Lake to hangout with the Mike and the guys, which we had a few drinks and then headed to the car show in Milford. Went back to there place and had a few more drinks. We then went on there boat and went skinny dipping at night. Now that was a f**king blast. Its about 5am and I'm still not tired.

Who are you?

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 11:12:25 GMT

For some reason for the past few weeks all I could think about is you. We haven't met yet but we have clicked in many ways. At first I thought you were just playing me, but the more and more we have our short conversations I don't think that way anymore. I have spilled my whole life to you, my ups and downs. And you are still here. There must be something about me that makes you stay. I have no clue what it is and I and very determined to find out. I know the distance is keeping us from meeting, but I have faith that one day you and I will meet. Upon that meeting, we just may become friends or you never know we just may have a spark. Life is very unexpected, and just as things were going downhill for me you popped up and have kept me more motivated than any other person.

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

-Henry David Thoreau

Life full of Obstacles

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 09:25:36 GMT

Well the month of July has bascially been the worst month ever for me. It started off pretty well for me. But then things started to fall apart very slowly. I really can't go into details on what happend, but through it all I've lost 3 friends that I thought were my friends. Sad to say I thought they were really cool people. The biggest disappointment to me was Rick. I really thought he was changing. I actually saw some improvements, but it all faded and he started being his old self. Our friendship bascially ended after a physical fight (which I started) and me just losing faith and trust in him. As far as the other 2, what can I say.

Another event occured that hit me the worst actually took place at the club. What happend is for me to know. But after that night, I lost trust in people, especially my friends. Its been about 3 weeks since the inncident and I'm finally able to put some trust on a few of my friends. But still it's going to take time for me to heal from that.

The last week of the month actually showed great improvements. I had some time off from work to really think about things. I was able to go the beach with a few friends and have a small party later that night. And the whole week I basically hung out with David everyday and went shopping.

As far as my love life. Well its at a hault right now. A couple guys has showed interest in me, but I'm not sure where that is going. Mainly because I had interest in the 2 before and it never went anywhere. There is this one guy that I have just started talking to but I think he's only playing mind games, or just out for sex. Go figure. But I really can't just him just yet. He seems like a cool guy. But you never know.

August is coming right up. This will be a month of thinking and picking myself up. The biggest question the has to be answered is if I should move back home and try starting over, trying to rekindled my relationship with my family. Or stay here in Michigan and move on with my life.

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

-carl jung

Yeah Whatever

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:25:03 GMT

I don't know why sometimes I have the friends I do. I feel majority of the time I'm just there either to take up space or sometimes just to be used. Do I really want friends like that? Is it actually worth having them? I love the life I have right now but I sometimes question it. Oh come on it's full of drama. Everyone I know have some type of drama. Yes don't get me wrong but I know I have it also. But I'm just getting tired of it. I think I'm just getting tired of the whole gay scene. I really don't know if I'm ready for a committment or not I just know that its usually good to have someone there every so often.

Life for me is not as pleasant than normal people. Oh come on my doctor keeps telling me that I'm dying and I'm still living. I don't know why I'm still here. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be here. I'm just a waste of space. I don't have anyone in my life that really cares about me. People say they do but I don't really think they actually mean it. It's just full of lies. LIES LIES LIES. I guess I'm here for a reason.

No Words

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 06:26:23 GMT

Well I have no words! I'm just a very confused person at this moment. I think I just need to move on. I need to get a new life. Leave what I currently have and start something new. Sometimes a fresh start is always good. And I really feel that is what I need. No one here is really a true friend to me. I really think everyone is just using me. I don't know know what to do. I really think the logical thing to do is just move! Life isn't going the way I want it to. I need to start doing what I want.

FCUK THEM ALL

fcuk you all

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 06:39:22 GMT

can this be more fcuked up. I don't wnt to have to explain myself. But I need to get a new life. away from all these people. i cannot be this depressed. i need something new. no more of this fcukin shit

Nightmare and Dreamscape

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 18:44:37 GMT

Monday night @ Gigi's. I don't think I've ever had a night like this at Gigi's before. It all started with a little pre-fun before the club. By the time we got to the club I was pretty buzzed. I bumped into a few people at the club that I really didn't want to see. Apparently I was a prude bitch. First I had told Rick that I was going to hang out with him that night and I decided to go the bar, and ofcourse who do I see there. Well at first he was nice to me and then started treating me like ass because I was drunk and all over other guys. There was one guy in particular that I found attractive. I've found him hotT before, but only now I had the courage to go up to him and talk to him. We danced and chatted and I found out that he has a boyfriend. Well he asked me for my number infront of his bf and now he is single. I'm an ass. Oh well Bryan is hot and yeah. I also me Charlie there who is the cutiest thing. We danced and hungout. Can I say another shot please. lol. Steve, hehe, what can I say about him. He is hotT hotT hotT. I got to dance with him again. Joe looked hot tonight as usual. BRB Phone...its Rick. Well looks like I'm going to be hangin out with Rick today. Before I was rudely interrupted I was saying, I got all fucked up last night. I went over to Jeff's place and started chatting online. Well I met this one hot guy from Livonia. He called me at 4am and then called me when he work up at 1pm. He seems like a cool person and I can't wait to meet him. Apparently I was talking to Colton, Candy, and Michele last night , which I dont recall. Because I remember everything else. But oh well. I hope Bryan calls me..lol

This week will be all about me and recouperating. I think I'm going to stay in Westland all weekend. I'm suppose to head to Monroe for Michele's birthday which I will for a hot sec. But thats it. I need to chill out of a bit and have some time to myself.